john's adventures as a speaker

Sunday, Sept 2 I talked to a group of teenage girls at a Catholic Church in the Bronx. The sponsoring group was Sisters Unite. What an experience! I was a little scared, as I had not talked to a group of girls before, at least not in this context. But they all looked beautiful, and were very friendly, and the counselors made me feel comfortable.

I was introduced, and since I didn't have notes, I left the podium and spoke from the front of the stage. I talked to them about my history, and about Verna, my friend who inspired me to create WOCHA. Then it was time for the Question and Answer session.

These young women were not afraid to ask very direct questions. One asked me, "What does the Blessed Mother think about condoms?" I said, "Well, I am sure the principal of your school would prefer to answer that question herself." The whole group started laughing. Then the counselor told me, "No, that's a Mother Superior. She means the Virgin Mary."

Well, that's different.

I said, "Well, since she's a Virgin, it wouldn't apply to her anyway, would it?"

They all cracked up. I wasn't trying to be funny, but the laughs did make me feel better.

One girl gave me an opening to introduce the slogan I made up, about the importance of using condoms.

She said, "My boyfriend says he loves me, so we don't need to use a condom. What do I say to him?"

I told her, "My slogan is '15 seconds for life.' You tell him that he should tell you he loves you in 15 seconds, AFTER he puts on the condom. It only takes 15 seconds to put on a condom. If he loves you, he'll be willing to do it."

After the talk, the sponsors told me they were taking me out to lunch at White Castle. "I didn't know there was a Castle in the Bronx," I said. They all thought this was funny, and so did I when we pulled into a fast food burger place. Believe it or not, I had never been to a White Castle before.

My sponsor said, "How many do you want?" Well, I'm watching my figure so I said, "One." Well, the picture is a lot bigger than the hamburger. I can see why people buy them by the bag.

We all sat down to eat our burgers, and I opened mine to pepper it, and..."Ohmigod! Everyone! Stop eating and summon the manager!" They all sat there, open mouthed.

"Why, John?"

I showed them my burger.

"Look at this, it's full of holes. There's gotta be a rat in the kitchen!"

Well, they all laughed very hard at this. They reminded me of my friend Cheryl, who often laughs at things I say, in exactly the same way.

"John," my sponsor explained, "there are no rats. The holes are in there on purpose. They steam these burgers, and the holes let the steam through."

Well, after that I kept my mouth shut, preferring to put the burger in there, instead of my foot.

My lovely dinner companions presented me with a White Castle scarf to commemorate our visit, and I wore it out of the restaurant with pride. I'll never forget my day at White Castle, and the girls and women of Sisters Unite.